I opened my bedroom door, turned on the lights and fell on my bed. I could not believe it had finally happened. In the back of my mind I knew it always would, but I did not expect it to happen so soon. I only wish I could have had just one more minute, one more day, one more laugh with him before he died.
My grandpa had always been one of those people who was fun to be around. He always knew how to make people laugh. He was the greatest story-teller I knew and one of the godliest men in my life. I knew I could always talk to him about anything weighing me down and he would not judge me.
As I lay on my bed with tears rolling down my face, I began to recall the events of the day. I was at work with only about an hour and a half to go until the end of my shift. The phone rang and I picked it up.
“Chick-fil-A, North Academy, this is Sarah. How may I help you?”
“Sarah, this is mom. You need to get to the hospital right now. Gramps was admitted this afternoon. He’s fading fast. I don’t think he’ll make it much longer.”
I went numb. It could not be. This was not happening. I rushed into the back and explained what was going on to my manager as I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door. The entire time on my way to the hospital I kept thinking to myself, “This is it. What do I say, what do I do? Is this really happening to me? I don’t think I can handle this.” I finally got to the hospital and rushed into the waiting room where many members of my family and my grandparent’s church were huddled. Things like “It could go both ways,” and “He could make it through the night or this could be the end” floated past my ears. I collapsed into a chair and prayed the hardest I had ever prayed in my life. Then, what seemed like hours later, I was being ushered into his hospital room.
There he was with massive amounts of wires and machines attached to him. I could not speak. Nothing I felt could be put into understandable words. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and that he could not die now. We had too many plans, like building the porch swing for Granny and going fishing one last time before I headed off to college. No words came. All I could do was hold his hand.
Finally he looked up at me and said, “Sarah, I’m proud of you. You know that right.”
“Yes Gramps, I know. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I was ushered out of the room by my mom and went back to the waiting room. I sat down in the corner and tried to prepare myself as I waited for the news. It was the worst moment in my life when I heard he was gone. After they took out all the tubes and monitors, the doctors let me in to see him one last time. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. I wanted to do something, anything to bring him back. It was not fair. Instead, the only thing I could do was let him go.
I began to cry as the memory faded. I took my journal out and started writing.
I know you are still with me and that the impact you made on my life will always be in my heart. I learned so much from you. You taught me how to truly live, how to appreciate the simple things in life, to accept people for what they are, to laugh and have fun, and you always encouraged me in my walk with the Lord. I will always remember you cheering me on and advising me during the difficult times of life. I will never forget your honesty, your strength, or your passion. And while 18 years is a short time, we made the most of it. We filled the time we had together with memories which will never be forgotten, even now that you are gone. I can picture you in heaven now having a grand old-time. It has to be beautiful now that you are there. Is it more than you ever imagined? Do they have fishing there? Boy I bet you’d love that. I miss you so much already and you haven’t even been gone that long. I don’t know how life can go on with you gone. I know it has to, but it won’t be easy. I’ll be looking for you in heaven when it is my time to join you. I know we will see each other again.
I love you,
I put my pen down and re-read what I had just written. Tears had left their imprint in many places on the page. I shut the journal and turned off the light. The next few months were going to be hard, but just knowing that my grandpa was no longer experiencing the pain that comes from Leukemia and that he was in heaven would help. Looking back on all the memories we had shared, I could now say I was glad I did not know the way it would end. I would have missed out on so much if I had been waiting for the moment to come. Someday I will see him again in heaven, and when I do I will wrap my arms around him and tell him how much I missed him since he left.

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