Struggle of Understanding God


There are days when I get really tired of just walking with Christ. I want to run ahead…to see what’s waiting for me next. Sometimes I struggle with understanding God, only to discover I’m not meant to understand God at all! There are times when it seems that nothing is happening in my relationship with Christ- when I get nothing out of my quiet times, no answers when I pray, no direction when I look SO HARD for it. I hit the ground and scream, “Where are You?! Why can’t You just tell me why I have to do this?!”

We try to pick when He will come. Or when He will answer our prayers. We want to decide if we run or walk. We want to be in control. But this is not a living, loving relationship with Christ.

In Richard Foster’s book, Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home, he discusses how God sometimes appears to be absent, and that the hard part of a relationship can be “mutual freedom.” God does not always appear when we want Him to. He has His reasons for leading us through dark valleys, sad circumstances, and spiritually dry times when we can’t help but wonder what went wrong. The book has a passage that really made me think. “In the very act of hiddenness, God is slowly weaning us of fashioning Him in our own image.”

Your faith is not weak if you feel lost, alone, and out-of-place. These same feelings happen to people who earnestly try to live like Christ. King David continually cried out to God, feeling alone and abandoned. Job, ridden with skin diseases and emotionally spent, cried out to God, asking, “Why?”

You and I are going to face difficult times when it seems as though God isn’t listening. Rest assured, He is. No matter how dark the path or how discouraged you may become, don’t give up. Keep praying, keep walking, keep living a life that reflects none other than the King of Kings.

I have now come to a resolution. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some things I will never do or understand before I get to heaven. Paul described it as looking through a cloudy glass as compared to seeing clearly.

When I see Jesus face-to-face, He will show me how He tailored every part of my life- even in the dark times. Just the promise that it all works out to the glory of God makes this dark valley worth the journey… even if I have to walk.

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