One thing I have been trying to work on this year is prayer. I have a bad habit of only really talking to Christ when I feel I need his help and I want to change that. They say it takes 30 days to make a habit. I am on day two and it feels great. My 15-20 minute drives to and from my Practicum school are the perfect time for me to make sure I am talking to him on a daily basis. With the beautiful, snow-covered mountains out one window and the wide open plains out the other, it is hard not to want to praise Him. I’ve literally been talking out loud to him the entire way there and back for the past few days and sometimes I get there and don’t even realize I am there. Guess that is a good thing right? I’m sure I look a little funny to those who are speeding past me on their way to work. O well!
One thing that has really been on my heart lately is finding the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Every girl dreams of it, and unfortunately logging onto Pinterest doesn’t help. Sure, I’ve dated, but I haven’t found that person who was made to be my partner in life yet. I have a lot of friends who are dating or engaged and more who have gotten married in the past few years than I can count. It leaves a girl wondering, struggling with when that perfect man is gonna show up for her.
So I had a chat with God about it. It was really more me spouting off what was in my head/ heart. I am a pretty independent young woman partly from genetics and partly because that is just me and how I grew up. Nevertheless, it’s always nice to 1) be loved and 2) have the knowledge of your future in your hands. Unfortunately, that second part isn’t going to happen. Only God knows what is truly in my future…and sometimes it is very hard to deal with not knowing. I’ll be the first to admit I struggle with that.
If any of you have read Elizabeth Elliot’s “Passion and Purity” then you know that even she struggled with the same thing, but ultimately found peace in God’s answer. His answer was simple. Trust him. She was at peace with the thought that she could be single for her entire life or that she could eventually marry Jim. She trusted God in that area of life. Every time I start to struggle with this aspect of life, I always think back to her…and go read the book again. It’s pretty well-worn now.
So in one of these chats with God on my way to the school, I talked about my fears and my struggle with that aspect of life. I got all my thoughts out and then it was like all of a sudden, a complete peace concerning it came over me. I can’t even describe it. I just knew that God was in control and he has a wonderful plan for my life. If that includes marrying a man after Christ’s heart, great. I am definitely all for it. On the other hand, if that isn’t something he has planned for me, then I accept it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how much he has already blessed me with. I have a full life already. I have a career path that I know he has designed just for me and students that love me and I love back. I have a family who supports me in my decisions and love me no matter what. And above all else, I have him. He is ultimately all I need. I’m ready to trust him completely with this area of my life and stop doubting my future. He has it under control.
Nevertheless, I still pray for the man I will (hopefully) marry if he is out there…and logging into Pinterest adding things to the “wedding ideas” board that every girl admits to having. , I hope that he is praying for me as well, but maybe not adding to a Pinterest board haha.
Can’t wait to have more thought-provoking talks with God on the way to school! Just so you know, I do talk to him more than that…that time is just very special in a way that I can’t explain.